In short:
Social media can be a place for men to find connection, validation and guidance. It’s also a place filled with messages telling us how ‘real men’ are supposed to look, act and hustle.
We don’t have to let these limited ideas define how we see ourselves. Read on for hacks to cut through the noise and take control of your feed and your mental health.
You’re scrolling late at night. Your feed is packed with gym selfies, hustle culture hacks, clips of guys telling you how a “real man” should act, and maybe a gaming video or two. Some of it fires you up. Some of it drags you down.
For many of us, the internet can be a place to seek connection, validation and guidance, especially while figuring out what it means to be a man today. But for young men in particular, it can also be a space where harmful voices and content sneak in.
That’s what eSafety’s Young Men Online research found. In the study young men described the tensions of their online experiences: freedom and anxiety, intimacy and caution, connection and harm.
The good news? You don’t have to let algorithms or influencers define you. Here are five tips to help you think more critically about your world online so that it works best for you.
Curate your feed with purpose
The young men in the study said they knew social media was a “highlight reel”, but that didn’t stop the comparisons from stinging. Body image, money, milestones… endless scrolling can make you feel like you’re falling behind.
Instead, take charge. Unfollow or mute accounts that leave you feeling anxious or inadequate. Add diversity to your feed: start following people from different cultures, genders and perspectives. Research shows that we value authentic, everyday stories more than polished perfection. Think of your feed like your diet: the healthier and more balanced it is, the better you’ll feel.
Question the influencers
Self-improvement content can be motivating. But many men told researchers they also saw through the sales pitch – a lot of influencers are profiting from pushing narrow ideas of success, sex or strength.
So before you hit like, pause and ask: Do I feel genuinely motivated, or just pressured? Is this content broadening my sense of what I can be, or boxing me into a stereotype? If it’s the latter, remember: you can just keep scrolling.
Step back from the comparison trap
Men in the study spoke honestly about how online comparisons made them feel. Even when they knew posts were curated, it was hard not to feel “less than” when scrolling through someone else’s best body, biggest paycheck or perfect life. eSafety offers tips for people who are starting to notice pressures from social media negatively impacting their sense of connection or self-worth.
Next time you catch yourself spiralling, try the “24-hour test”: does this post inspire you to take one real, positive action in your life? Or does it just keep you scrolling? If it’s only fueling self-doubt, it might be time to unfollow and protect your headspace.
Put porn and gaming in perspective
The research showed porn and gaming are huge parts of young men’s online lives, and both come with positives and pitfalls. Men talked about stumbling across porn without looking for it, and worrying about how it shapes ideas of sex and relationships. Gaming, meanwhile, gave many a sense of connection, but also exposed them to racism, sexism and abuse.
The tip? See porn as performance, not a guidebook. And when gaming, don’t accept abuse as “just part of it.” Block, report and build communities where respect is the norm. Men in the study confirmed that those healthier spaces do exist, and they matter.
Be the guy who shifts the conversation
One of the clearest findings of the study? Young men aren’t passive. We can reflect critically on what we see, and many of us want to push back against harmful content we’re served. We just need practical ways to do it.
So start small: share content that promotes respect and kindness. If a mate or another man opens up online, support him by listening first. And if disrespect shows up in your group chat or in the comments, don’t let it slide. A simple “not cool” or sharing something positive can easily shift the tone. Learn more about how to be an upstander online.
The final word
The internet can be a space for freedom, connection and growth – if you stay in the driver’s seat. Your feed doesn’t just reflect who you are, it shapes who you’re becoming.
With a few mindful choices, you can create a feed that supports who you truly want to be, not who you feel pressured to be.
What Kind of Man Do You Want to Be?
We asked Victorian men about everything from fatherhood and relationships to online gaming and social media. Hear their stories.