Ben's story

Just knowing that you can get better, whether that's in a team or like your ability to present yourself, there's always room to grow and that should excite people rather than make them feel like crap.

22-year-old Ben is a teaching student from Diggers Rest. He credits his parents for raising him to appreciate and value other people’s efforts. His dad has shown him what it means to be attentive to and interested in the people around you, and it’s a quality he’s tried to emulate.

Ben’s always preferred being in smaller groups of friends, and is open about the social anxieties that young men can feel to fit in. Whether it's drinking a bit too much at the pub or banter that crosses the line, he’s experienced the unease of being around certain expressions of masculinity.

He also understands how powerful the online world is in shaping ideas about masculinity. Like a lot of young men, algorithms have served him harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Ben has spent a lot of time in the online gaming world – a place that can be both a refuge but also incredibly hostile. Games can be volatile, stressful environments, with players screaming into their microphones and hurling very personal abuse at each other. Ben remembers his experiences of gaming during COVID; leaving the game didn’t mean he left the stress and hostility of the game behind. He could feel the anger in his body and how it impacted the way he would then talk to his family.

Ben’s girlfriend also loves gaming – but he knows that her experience is very different to his. Girls will often lower or disguise their voices, use masculine names or play on mute to avoid the gendered abuse directed at them. He says that while guys might think they are casually insulting a woman online, he challenges men to think about whether they would say these things in real life, or are they emboldened by being behind a screen? 

What keeps Ben grounded is his family and upbringing. He thinks critically about the content he’s served online. He enjoys the gym and is a kickboxer, which he uses to help his body and mind relieve stress.