When you open-up conversations about gender equality, respectful relationships and violence against women, there’s a good chance that someone may share that they have experienced or witnessed violence.
The most important things you can do when responding to disclosure are:
- listen without interruption or judgement
- believe and validate their experience
- provide information about specialist support.
These are some ideas of what you could say – but it’s important to be genuine, and to use your own words.
- What happened is not okay, and it was not your fault.
- I’m glad you told me.
- No one should have to experience what you’ve been through.
- Do you feel safe at the moment?
- I’m not a specialist in helping people with experiences like yours – but I can give you the contact details of a support service you can talk to if you want.
- A family violence specialist can help you work out your next steps, make a safety plan, and connect you with other services.
Safe and Equal’s Responding to Disclosures virtual training is a valuable resource.
When responding to disclosures, try to:
- give the victim survivor time to share their experience
- affirm the victim survivor is brave in being able to come forward
- emphasise that they are not to blame for their experience
- provide information about specialist support services (page XX) in a way that is safe and supportive. Ask them if they would like any help identifying particular services
- keep the conversation confidential. The only exception is if you believe the person’s safety is at immediate risk (call 000), you become aware that a child’s safety is at risk, or you have an obligation as a mandatory reporter.
After being trusted with a disclosure, try not to:
- find out the details
- fix the situation for them
- ask questions like ‘why do you put up with it?’ or ‘how can you still stay with them?’
- give advice or tell them what to do – it will reduce their confidence to make their own decisions
- judge or criticise their choice – even if you don’t agree with it
- criticise the perpetrator – it may make the victim survivor want to defend the perpetrator. Focus on criticising the abusive behaviour and let them know that no one should abuse them
- provide counselling – if you are not a counsellor or do not have specialist training in responding to family violence, be honest and open about that.
Responding to disclosures on social media
When posting about gendered or family violence on social media, it is possible that community members will disclose their experiences in the comments.
It’s important to consider these disclosures with nuance, and also be aware of your duty of care. Some may be supportive, demonstrating the relevance and value of your work. They are good to acknowledge, and to carefully monitor any following comment threads.
Others may seem more vulnerable; actively seeking help, or sharing personal information of others. Consider hiding these comments, but reaching out to the commenter directly to acknowledge their message, and share details of specialist support services.
Find more information about moderating social media comments.