Intimate partner violence in LGBTIQA+ relationships

LGBTIQA+ people can experience violence in romantic relationships, long-term partnerships, when dating and in other intimate relationship arrangements. People using violence can also be LGBTIQA+, or they can be heterosexual (‘straight’) and cisgender (men and women who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth). 

How common is intimate partner violence in LGBTIQA+ relationships?

Private Lives is the largest national survey about the health and wellbeing of LGBTIQA+ community conducted in Australia. Private Lives 3 found that:

• 61% of respondents have experienced intimate partner violence  
• emotional abuse (48%), verbal abuse (42%), and social isolation (27%) are the most reported forms of intimate partner abuse experienced by LGBTIQA+ people
• 57% of reported perpetrators are cisgender men and 35% are cisgender women.  

Historically, most other national surveys and studies investigating family and gender-based violence have not collected information about gender (as opposed to sex), sexual orientation or the lived experiences of LGBTIQA+ people. This means that there is less evidence about how intimate partner violence uniquely impacts them, and insufficient attention in policy and practice about how to prevent and support LGBTIQA+ people using and experiencing violence.  

What drives violence in LGBTIQA+ relationships?

Some of the drivers of violence in LGBTIQA+ relationships according to Rainbow Health’s Pride in Prevention evidence guide include:

• rigid gender norms that condone violence
• cisnormativity – the assumption that people’s gender aligns with their sex at birth, and that trans or gender diverse identities are ‘unnatural’ and not ‘normal’
• heteronormativity – the assumption that heterosexuality is the ‘normal’ sexual orientation, and acceptable romantic relationships are only between cis men and cis women. It is also related to a range of dominant social and gender norms (such as those about how people should act, dress or their role in society). This drives violence against LGBTQIA+ people because it devalues their identities and lived experiences

Heteronormativity and cisnormativity result in homophobia, biphobia, transphobia and intersexphobia. This fear, hatred or intolerance of people who are or are perceived to be gay, bisexual, transgender or intersex, often leads to discriminatory behaviour or abuse. 

It can also make it harder for people in LGBTQIA+ relationships to identify intimate partner violence for themselves, or for family, friends and service providers to recognise this violence. This is because awareness raising and other conversations about intimate partner violence usually focus on men’s violence against women in cis straight relationships.  

Heteronormativity and cisnormativity remain embedded in systems, laws and policies, reinforcing discrimination against LGBTIQA+ communities. For example, there is limited funding for LGBTIQA+ inclusive support services like emergency housing.  

Past experiences of discrimination or poor understanding of LGBTIQA+ relationships can deter people from seeking help. These systemic barriers to getting help after experiencing violence also mean that it is hard to collect evidence of what LGBTIQA+ communities need. This perpetuates the cycle of exclusion from policy and systems, and limits access to the same level of safety and justice as the rest of our communities.

What does violence look like in LGBTIQA+ relationships?

Common forms of relationship violence, such as coercive control, gaslighting, and financial abuse, are used against LGBTIQA+ people. However, there are also unique experiences of violence in LGBTIQA+ relationships, such as being:

• subjected to homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia by a partner wanting to claim power or dominance
• threatened to be ‘outed’ – this is when someone shares another person’s sexual orientation or trans identity without their permission. It can put them at risk of discrimination, exclusion and loss of social supports, or even physical violence and abuse
• denied or actively blocked from accessing gender-affirming care
• victim-blamed and falsely led to believe that reporting violence will damage the LGBTIQA+ community. This feeds into the false homophobic and transphobic narratives that LGBTIQA+ relationships are unhealthy
• gaslighted into believing that no one will believe their experiences of violence because they are not a cisgender woman being victimised by a cisgender man. 

Harmful gender norms can also mean that service providers might misidentify perpetrator and victim in reports of violence in LGBTIQA+ relationships. For example, a woman who is tall and looks strong might report being victimised but not be believed if her perpetrator is smaller and looks more stereotypically ‘feminine.’ and the person hearing their respective accounts is using heteronormative stereotypes to make sense of what has happened.

How can we prevent violence against LGBTIQA+ people?

Preventing violence against LGBTIQA+ people starts with listening, recognising, and affirming experiences of intimate partner violence. It also looks like:

• addressing harmful gender norms and attitudes that reinforce false ideas about how a person might experience or use violence based on how they look or act
• dismantling heteronormative and cisnormative ideas about violence related to a diverse range of relationships, identities, and sexualities
• recognising the unique differences in experiences of LGBTIQA+ violence and engaging those with lived experience in prevention work.

Support pathways  

If you are experiencing intimate partner or family violence, concerned for your safety, or in an emergency situation please call 000 for urgent police assistance.  

If you need support or advice, please reach out to a dedicated LGBTQIA+ support organisation or specialist violence support service.