Family, fatherhood and community are important to Adam. As a first time dad, Adam shared with us his hopes for how he and his partner will raise their son to look beyond gender roles.
In conversation with Adam
My name’s Adam. I grew up in a small country town called Gordon, just outside of Ballarat, and I’ve spent the last ten years living and working in Ballarat. I work in construction and have been in the industry since leaving school, and I have recently just become a dad.
What does masculinity mean to you?
For me, masculinity is about being a good role model; for your family, your friends and the people around you. It’s a broad word, but I think real strength is shown in the right way: through respect, responsibility and how you treat others.
Who shaped your early ideas about being a man?
Growing up in a small country town, masculinity was everywhere – farmers, the local footy club, blokes who were tough, didn’t cry and could drink the most. That was definitely part of it. But mixed in with that were some really good men too: my dad, coaches, family friends.
I also grew up with four sisters and a strong mum, which gave me a different perspective. Seeing how women were treated and how they should be treated had a big impact on me.
Did you also see examples of masculinity that didn’t sit right with you?
Yeah, definitely. Things like men speaking poorly about their partners, expecting women to cook, clean or just “do their job”. When you’re younger, you hear it and feel uncomfortable, but you don’t always know how to respond. As you get older, you start questioning whether that’s really the kind of man you want to be.
Have you ever spoken up when you’ve seen that behaviour?
I have, quite a few times. I don’t want to be someone who lets that stuff slide, especially having sisters. Often it’s as simple as questioning it, pulling someone up and asking why they’re talking that way. Most of the time, people stop and think and realise they probably shouldn’t have said it.
You’ve spoken openly about gambling being part of your journey. Can you tell us about that?
Gambling is really ingrained in male culture, especially around sport and in country towns. When I turned 18, it was just normal. Having a bet at the pub, on the footy, the races.
Over time, it started to become something I wasn’t comfortable with. I found myself chasing that quick hit, hiding things from my partner and family, and that’s not who I am. I hit a point where I had a bad day financially and realised I had to stop.
What helped you make that change?
Seeing a psychologist was a turning point. That was really foreign to me, especially as a country bloke. But it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It changed how I see myself, my relationships and what actually matters. When I spoke openly about it, the response shocked me. Friends, both in the country and on construction sites, reached out asking for advice and support. It showed me how powerful one honest conversation can be.
How has becoming a father changed the way you think about masculinity?
It’s changed everything. I’m no longer the most important person in my world. My partner and our son are. Becoming a dad made me really reflect on the kind of role model I want to be.
There’s no rulebook for parenting. For us, it’s about teamwork. We share the load: cooking, cleaning, working, parenting… whatever needs to be done. I don’t want my son growing up thinking there are “men’s jobs” and “women’s jobs”.
What kind of man do you hope your son grows up to be?
I want him to be respectful, kind and confident in who he is. He’s surrounded by strong women, his mum, aunties, grandmothers, and I want him to treat everyone with the same care and respect. At the end of the day, it comes back to something really simple: treat people how you want to be treated. It sounds basic, but it gets overlooked far too often.
Looking back, what advice would you give your 18-year-old self?
I’d tell myself to speak up more and worry less about fitting in. You don’t have to be who you think everyone else wants you to be. Be yourself, be confident in that, and don’t be afraid to stand out instead of blending in. The people who matter will respect you for it. And the ones who don’t probably don’t need to be in your life anyway.
